Papa....

Whenever i see a little child holding her father's hand,

I miss your tender care dad.

I wish if only i had a magic wand, i would bring you back from that unknown land.

Whenever i see any girl sleeping in her father's arm,

I miss your warm hug dad, i wish you were here.

There is none but a father every child looks up to,

and i look up to you too,

while others can even feel the presence of their father, your absence is all i have!

Hey Mama!

Hey Mama you think that i have changed,

growing up i take my decisions alone,

You think your little child has gone astray,

but trust me you are the one i look for all my way.

Hey Mama, you feel my priorities have changed,

but trust me, my love is still the same.

The gap between us is growing strong,

please Mama don't get me wrong.

You feel my life is just too hay wired,

dark alleys and bad habits is all that i have to keep on the fire.

Hey Mama i always wanted to tell you how much i care?

However, i could never express my desires.

But Mama now it's very late, i have gone far away to an unknown place

It's nice with lots of flowers and gardens,

I think people call it 'Heaven'.

Hey Mama please don't cry, i know you'll miss me all your life.

But trust me mom where ever i'm, my love for you will always remain strong.

Pension

The two storied house at 17/B, Becharam Chatterjee road appeared like a dilapidated monster stripping the entire alley of its beauty. While the other houses towered like paintings silhouetted against the blue sky, the residence of Haranath Banik reminded of the ancient times when the city of joy was ruled by the East India Company. Its owner Mr. Banik was once a respected government employee, but today he merely thrives on his pension. His family comprises his son, Sunil; Anil; Madhav and his only daughter Madhu. All them happily settled across India. However, only Anil resides with his father. Mr. Banik is very fond of his grand daughter, Jhinuk who is a second standard student of one of the best schools in the city.

Mr. Banik’s daughter in law is also very fond of him, but only during the first week of the month when he receives his pension. It's mandatory for Mr. Banik to give some allowance to his daughter in law, Jhuma for her monthly luxuries. Recently Mr. Banik is deprived of that little attention too, as he did not receive his pension since the past few months. Amongst all these selfish blood connections only Jhinuk loved her grand dad selflessly. She wasn't worried about her the money. Madhav, Sunil and Madhu had already shunned away from taking the responsibility of their old father, after Mr. Banik disclosed that he was broke and had nothing but love and affection to share.

The faded red house at 17/B Becharam Chatterjee road had lost its charm when Kaberi, Mr. Banik’s wife passed away leaving him alone in this dog eat dog world to spend the last days of his life alone. It's only Jhinuk’s selfless love that kept the heart beating in Mr. Banik’s body.

It was a week before Christmas and Mr and Mrs Banik junior had planned for a Darjeeling – Gangtok trip with some friends. While dicussing about their trip, Jhinuk asked her mother

“Ma will dadu come with us?”

“No.” Jhuma replied strictly.

“Why won’t he come with us?” Jhinuk egged on.

“Don’t bother me. We are going along with you isn’t it enough for you.” Jhuma answered chiding her daughter.

Jhinuk ran away from her and went to her grand father’s room. She hid her face in her grandfather’s chest and hugging him hard started sobbing.

“What happened to my princess?” Mr. Banik asked tickling her.

A faded smile came across her face while she was moving her body in response to the tickling.

Finally she burst out in to laughter and sat in her dadu’s lap.

“What happened to you? Why were you crying?” he asked.

“Ma scolded me. She told me you can’t come with us to Gangtok and Darjeeling this Christmas. Why can’t you come with us dadu? Please come with us.” Jhinuk pleaded to her dadu while Mr. Banik sat sunken in the chair as he too didn’t know the reason why couldn’t he come? His was heart broken and tears filled his eyes.

Jhinuk, what are you doing there?” Jhuma screamed and Jhinuk shivered in fear. “I was asking dadu why he couldn’t come with us. He told he will come with us to Darjeeling.” she replied back. Jhuma stood there in an uncomfortable situation feeling like beating the skin out of her outspoken daughter but for then she had to confront her father in law. What to say to him? The entire alibi she had cultivated was spoilt because she forgot to teach her daughter to lie. “Baba, we would have told you. It is very cold in Darjeeling now so I thought you might fall sick. We would have informed you before leaving but your son old me to keep quiet.” Jhuma replied reluctantly and pulled Jhinuk from Mr. Banik’s lap and left the room. Later Mr. Banik could hear Jhinuk screaming for help from her mother’s savage anger but he was helpless. If he had received his pension on time things would have been different. Jhuma and Anil would have pleaded him to come. If not then at least he could have saved Jhinuk from getting the spanks from her mother. But he was helpless as he didn’t have money to back his age.

Later that night Anil came to meet Mr. Banik.

“Baba, we are going to Darjeeling and Gangtok in this Christmas for a short trip. Jhuma told me everything. Don’t cultivate anything fictious like we are avoiding you or things like that.

We would have told you but you don’t seem to like cold places much and in this age it is not feasible for us to venture into such risk. If anything happens there then our entire vacation will spoil.” Anil convinced his father.

“I think I will get my pension this week. It is a large amount of Rs. 10000/-. The entire due pension will be released together. So if you could just take me to the bank some day.” Mr. Banik replied back while looking at the picture of his wife framed on the wall.

Anil’s face lit up hearing that. Ten thousand rupees can sponsor the entire vacation for them and how much will his old father really bother them he will be in the hotel most of the time. But the money couldn’t be cashed unless his father went with them. Very carefully Anil replied “tell me the exact date baba I will do the needful.” Then coming closer to Mr. Banik Anil replied “baba, are you angry on us?”

Mr. Banik kept silent he just enjoyed the false love his son displayed and loathed him for that.

“If you don’t speak then how can I go baba? Okay, tell me will you come with us?” Anil enquired.

Mr. Banik still kept quiet he knew this was the truth but was stunned to face the reality.

“Baba, you decide on it and let me know when you are getting your money okay. Good night. Did you have your dinner? Jhinuk is sleeping other wise I would have sent her to play with you.” Saying this Anil left the room and Mr. Banik sat in his chair staring at his dead wife’s framed picture and asked her “are these really our children Kaberi? No one bothers about me unless I show them the glitter of the green notes in my pension account. They don’t love me but my pension. It is good that you are not alive to see how selfish your children are.” And tears rolled down his cheek.

Early next morning, Jhuma knocked on Mr. Banik’s door. “Baba, I have brought your tea. I am sending the newspaper.” Saying this Jhuma left the room while Mr. Banik just laughed at the pretense. Soon Jhuma brought the newspaper too. Mr. Banik enjoyed the attention and intentionally asked “Anil won’t read the paper?”

“You read it first Anil will read it after he returns from office.” Jhuma replied back smiling. It was after five months Mr. Banik saw her smiling at him since his pension stopped all the love and affection also stopped. Saying this she left the room.

Later that day Jhuma took special care of her father in law. She cooked his favorite dishes and ironed his clothes too. Put a new fresh garland in the picture of her mother in law and lighted some incensed sticks too. While all this was done Mr. Banik was just laughing at the hypocrisy. After she left the room Mr. Banik told his wife “Kaberi see the colour of money has even painted you in their false love.” Soon the week ended and so did all the love and affection. No more Jhuma came with the cup of tea and the newspaper waited to be torn till it reached Mr. Banik’s hands. It was the day when Anil and all were to leave.

“Baba what happened to your pension?” Anil asked irately.

Mr. Banik let the cat out of the bag and replied “I lied there was no pension money due”

Lightening struck Anil after hearing this. He behaved like a bear with a sore head. “What? You lied to us about the money and we were thinking of taking you with us. Baba, I never thought you can become so cheap. You think we love your money.

Mr. Banik had eagerly waited for the moment when he would let the cat out of the bag.

Later that night, Anil and all left for Darjeeling. Mr. Banik was alone to celebrate Christmas in his abyss of loneliness. From the window he could see people on the roads merry making. Mr. Banik being a secular person celebrated Christmas very pompously and lavishly with his children when he was young. They used to go for picnics and had loads of fun however, all those were mere memories he loved relishing. Later that night he fell asleep and woke up early in the morning. Made tea for him self and went for a morning walk. Then came home and cooked his food. Watched television and read the news paper. He had started enjoying his loneliness. Then the day before Anil and all were to return he went to the bank and enquired about the pension. He requested the manager for a favor. Respecting his seniority the manager agreed. He then returned home satisfied, planning to shift to an old age home after Anil returned back. Seated in his chair he was looking at the picture of his beloved wife and fell asleep.

Later that night everyone returned back. They kept knocking at the door but no one opened it. Finally Anil had to break it open and running upstairs to his father’s room he saw Mr. Banik sleeping in his chair. Irated at such carelessness Anil shouted “baba, what happened can’t you open the door?” but Mr. Banik didn’t respond. Anil came closer and holding his father’s nerves replied calmly “Jhuma baba expired. Call the doctor and inform everyone.” Jhinuk stood in one corner of the room unable to understand the meaning of the word ‘expired’. Soon everyone came and the house flooded with people. Everyone shed crocodile’s tears and finally came up the topic of money to be spent for the cremation of their father. “Baba is dead how will he know what is happening to his corpse and as it is he didn’t leave anything for my daughter.” Madhu Cried. “Baba didn’t leave anything for Jhinuk either, we took care of him in the last days. Don’t build any misconception Madhu didi.” Jhuma mentioned. “Baba was nothing more than a white elephant to us.” Anil added. “Okay then lets settle it all in five thousand whatever will happen in that will be enough.” Sunil, the eldest of them all announced none of us can afford more than that.

“Baba, someone came to meet dadu.” Jhinuk interrupted.

Anil went to meet the person a little surprised as generally no one came to meet Mr. Banik. He returned after sometime with an envelope in his hand. “What happened?” asked Jhuma. “Baba’s pension came. It is a sum of ten thousand rupees. The peon gave it as baba had asked him to do so. When I told him about Baba’s death he told “may be Mr. Banik had a premonition that he would die and so wanted his cremation to be done with this money.” Anil replied holding the envelope in his hand while his eyes were fixed at the framed picture of his father, kept beside his mother on the same wall.

Déjà Vu Or Just You….

It was a brimming beautiful morning with people treading ahead with speedy foot steps, and there was I standing at one corner of the Tollygaunge metro station waiting for my muse to arrive.

“What are you looking at?” asked Tiyasha.

“You.” I replied back and she started blushing.

“Love the way you smile Tiyasha.” I replied being mesmerized by her charm.

“We are sorry to say that the next train is 10 minutes late.” Someone at the Metro station announced.

“As usual” remarked the lady standing right next to me. We exchanged cynical smiles and I turned back to adore my muse, my Tiyasha, but she disappeared. She just vanished, and everything but her was just as it was a few seconds ago. I couldn’t figure out the reason behind her sudden disappearance. Being completely startled by what happened I started looking for her. I realized that the lady beside me was equally surprised, but she was surprised to see my bizarre actions. Unable to control her curiosity she finally asked “Have you lost anything?”

I looked back at her with disgust and don’t know why replied scornfully, “Yes, I lost my girl friend.”

Her face became clueless as she remarked “But no one was here beside you.”

Don’t know why those few words hurt me so much. I felt as if a part of my heart had been plucked out suddenly, and emptiness remained. I kept quiet and walked ahead, keeping her unuttered question unanswered.

While looking for Tiyasha a sudden question came across my mind and I stood numb for a while. “Who is Tiyasha?” I asked myself. She looked familiar. Big eyes, slender lips, and a friendly smile all embedded in her pretty face. Her chocolaty complexion and her cascading brown tresses made her all the more attractive to the opposite sex.

Was she the girl I kept dreaming about all my life, or was she my first crush? Was she my first girlfriend whom I could never return back, or was she the insatiable desire in me? I kept asking my self all these things, when suddenly I heard someone asking me “You were telling me that you love the way I smile, isn’t it?” I turned back and couldn’t believe what I saw. It was Tiyasha’s voice for sure, but she wasn’t there instead it was my ex-girlfriend, Prachi.

“You are looking so beautiful Prachi” I said and kept staring at her. She blushed and started smiling. “Love the way you smile Prachi” I replied but the words sounded very familiar. “You still love me, Ani?” she asked. “Of course I do, how will I stop loving you?” I replied back looking in her deep dark eyes.

“Excuse me…. You are blocking the way” a huge tall man screamed at me, and I came out of the trance. I turned back and saw only human figures rushing towards their destination while I stood there like a wanderer.

“What are you looking at?” the voice rang in my ears and I turned back to see who it was. Tiyasha was standing right there behind me. I was intimidated by her sight for the first time in life “Who are you?” I asked very apprehensively. She looked startled but replied back smiling. “I am your muse … I am your love Ani…” she continued.

“I am whom you always searched for in Prachi. I am whom you always desired for. I am your imagination I am the girl of your dreams.”

I don’t know why the cat got my tongue but finally I managed to gather all my strength and asked her “why do you look like Prachi?” And she replied back “Because you have lost her forever yet you desire for her.”

The sudden sharp vibration of my mobile phone distracted my attention and I was started searching for my cell phone frantically. I searched it in my pocket, my bag when I finally realized it is beside my pillow and stretched my hand to get it.

“Hello Ani… it’s me Prachi” a familiar voice said. I looked back at Tiyasha she was still smiling. “Where are you?” the voice over the phone egged on. Tiyasha turned back and boarded the train. “Ani are you listening?” someone keep on repeating these words and the train left the station.

I woke up from my slumber all drenched in sweat, and realized that my girl friend Prachi was on the line.

“Are you still sleeping?” she asked curiously.

“No, am awake” I replied back very disturbed.

“Okay will meet you today at the Tollygaunge Metro station as decided. I will introduce you to my friend Tiyasha. She was eager to meet you.” Prachi said excitedly.

I kept quiet for sometime and asked in a shaky voice “What’s her name?” but Prachi had hung up by then. Her words kept ringing in my ears as she never mentioned to me about meeting her friend. I kept wondering the whole day

Smiling Without A Reason Isn't That Hard!

What makes you happy? Can you measure how delighted you are? According to the 'Gita Rahashya' happiness is mathematically defined as

Desired fulfilled/ Desired entertained.

It is believed to attain ANANT or joy one must reduce the denominator i.e. desired entertained till it becomes null. And this stage of infinite desired fulfilled is when one achieves happiness in life. But is it indeed that complicated?

Think about it, doesn't something as simple as feeding the kittens in your office campus, or fagging alone on the roof top make you feel complaisant. The sight of a flock of birds flying in the evening sky leaves a vague smile on your lips. Have you ever thought why you feel good at something as insignificant as this?

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ~ Abert Camus, French philosopher and author

Think about it!